I find myself at a odd place. I remember my teenage years still quite well, and honestly I hate me for them LOL. Now that I am a parent and an adult, I realize I was just a bad kid. If I believed in karma I would say that I am getting my share of what goes around comes around. I pray that all the grief Kylie is giving me is just her trying to find herself..however I fear it's just a complete lack of caring for anyone but herself. First let me says, yes she gets good grades, no she has never gotten suspended or detention at school. She does not talk back disrespectful. But she lies continuous, about everything, good, bad.. all of it. I would go as far to say she is a compulsive liar. She steals, she is constantly obtaining things I know for a fact I didn't buy her. She gets caught taking things at the house too. I want so badly for her to get past this and be able to live a great life, but swear she resists anything good. Example; She was grounded for lying about taking a lunch to school (long story) and then she got ungrounded, 2 days later she gets in trouble for lying about not using soap in the shower (yuck right?) so she gets grounded, she is suppose to get ungrounded the very next day.. but she gets caught stealing candy, and not just any candy but the EXACT type of candy she cannot have due to her braces. So.. she is not getting ungrounded. I feel like such a failure, I have tried talking, counseling, rewarding good behavior, praying, grounded, spanking, grounding... in the end she always does whatever the heck she wants. People think I'm cruel because I'm so hard on her. But what do I do? Give up let her go find herself? Let her eat sticky chewy candy when I am paying $5600 for her braces? No one seems to have any answers except to condemn me for always coming down on her. Seems I lose no matter what, and Kylie's bad behavior continues. I wish my parents were alive to tell me that what I am going through and feeling was similar to what I put them through. Then atleast I would have the security that Kylie would bounce back and be a responsible, caring adult! For now I pray, pray she has God in her life, and that she is saved by his grace.
Hi fellow mom of teen! =) Great blog, hope you keep at it!
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with you and can only offer some advice since every kid, even my own, seem different. First, don't let anyone criticize you of being hard on her, you are the mom.. period!
Stick to your guns, I had a rough time of it for awhile and it wasn't until I established clear boundaries and consequences that things started coming together.
If they lie or do something illegal (stealing!) they get a spanking AND grounded, no negotiations.. zero tolerance on those two. No ungrounding unless it is really earned.
Otherwise punishment fits behavior.. direct disobedience (ie eating candy when told not to, showering without soap.. for what it is worth at least yours gets in the shower, I have to fight my 14 year old sometimes..! what's up with that from teenagers?!?) or talking back/attitude usually gets a spanking and sometimes grounded too..
Suspension is grounding.. skipping school.. grounded.. breaking curfew.. early nights in.. not going to bed.. early to bed..
It took me awhile to remember young teens are still children.. they are far from fully developed mentally and still are wired to be self-centered! So it is important not to shift into friend mode and still deal with mom mode.. Kids are smart.. once she realizes they are consistent consequences in every situation and you're going to follow through if it kills you both (not literally of course! =) )..she'll start respecting the rules and behaving accordingly..
There will always be blips as she's still learning, that's why your mom for another 4 or 5 years ..to pick her up and brush her off when need be..just stick to your guns and don't let anyone get you down, including her and yourself!
..and the prayers help too :D..
Please, you are welcome to Email me.. chellemarie068 at yahoo dot com... I love your blog and would love to chat further and help each other out when need be.. any offer any advice/experiences that may help you out.. and pick your brain too..
I'm a stay-at-home and work-at-home mom of 3 teen girls, so I'm right there with you!! =)
Also, last comment.. the candy thing is a given.. they only see short-term and not long-term.. it's more of the me me me personality.. they want it now and that's it.. you are right to want something of your investment, because if they break I'm sure you pay for it! So if you stick to the punishments, no pun intended ;), and she's still going for the candy.. see if the orthodontist can give her some horror stories about it.. (btw.. my Email is chellemarie(ZERO)68.. not an o.. )
ReplyDeleteBless you!! and keep your head up.